Ok, after spending a little more than a week here, I have to revise one of my earlier statements about life in this city. It is entirely possible to feel uncomfortable or even unsafe in this town. I'll describe the scenario for those of you who haven't been there:

You go out of an evening, minding your own business and looking to have a lovely time. You decide (somewhat foolishly in hindsight) to try this great little place you keep hearing the gringos talking about. You quickly find yourself besieged by some loudmouthed, opinionated foreigner- foreign to Mexico that is. This is the first warning sign. The second warning is that now that they have latched onto you, you notice any and all of their previous victims giving you sympathetic glances while silently slipping into the night. If you are sharp and on your toes, you might manage to disentangle yourself before it goes any further. If not, hang onto your beverage, your in for a wild ride and you'll need all the alcohol you can get- fortunately not a problem in this town or this scenario.

If you haven't made your escape yet, by now you are finding yourself hopelessly roped into a social situation from which there is no polite way to extract yourself. So grab another beer- there is probably already one heading your way. You are about to hear all about the exploits of your host. A man with more money than Bill Gates, who is best friends with every political leader in the state, if not the country. A man who, if you are sober enough to be paying attention and counting should be at least 140 years old now - a number arrived at from the list of previous jobs and length at each that he has provided you, and this is assuming he started working very young. This will truly be a renaissance man. A world class artist of some sort - chef, painter, musician, whatever. A philanthropist whose generosity knows no bounds. Also, he definitely takes care of his friends. Most likely he will have had some sort of a military career or similar - he has seen blood, gore, and death. He knows how to kill with his bare hands in more ways than most people can prepare a chicken dinner. Alas, he probably doesn't like to talk about it, so no matter how many times he brings the subject up, you won't coax any more details out of him. Also, of course, he is a true financial wizard. This man knows the markets and investors well enough that just by having it in his possession, he can turn an old penny into a small fortune.

The good news here, is that you are the only person drinking on your bar tab, you may even have gotten a few drinks on their tab. The bad news is that even though you are the only one drinking on your tab - it is growing at an alarming rate. The first several drinks went down fast and smooth as you tried to numb yourself. Now, your companion is probably doing most of the ordering for you, and a gracious host he is. Alerting the waiter when your beverage is no less than half empty, less you accidentally be left without refreshment. Don't count on the bartender or waiter to help you out either. You will get more sympathetic looks, but no matter how much you protest they are selling drinks. That and their prompt service will certainly lead to a big tip, so they will happily keep delivering.

As you've been worrying about the tab - having lost count, but noticing that you now have two full beers in front of you, you realize that the conversation has started to change direction. With some effort, you manage to start listening and concentrate a little. While your hosts accent and the ambient noise may make following the conversation rather difficult, it is at least a one sided conversation. You realized a while ago that your host will keep talking no matter what. You are not expected to respond, nor if you tried would you be able to get a word in edgewise. So most of the evening you've not really been paying attention. Just providing a nod or a laugh when the situation seems to warrant it. Now, you are glad you started listening again when you did, as you are about to be handed the keys to a small fortune. It probably has something to do with real estate - of course it would - because every gringo in town has a property they'd be happy to sell or rent to you. The current offer to make your fortune may even include a job offer, because they know you well enough by now to know you could handle the job, and if you're smart it won't even require any work on your part. The property involved? It will require a little work (complete ground up remodel) or maybe it will be a custom house built just for you. Don't worry about that part though. They've lived here for years. They know good crews and with their contacts can get the work done for a song.

OK, now you're drunk, talk is starting to turn serious, and it isn't fun any more. Back to how to politely extract yourself. Another beer lands in front of you and you realize fortunately that you are a Texan. While a polite exit would have been preferable, nothing holds you back from just putting your foot down and leaving without any further ado. Hell, if necessary you could even make a scene like this town has never seen before and make your way out. Fortunately the scene probably won't be required. As you make your exit, stumbling a little bit, you remind yourself that if you want to have a safe and pleasant evening in Mazatlan, you shouldn't go to the places gringos are known to frequent. Another lesson learned, and keep telling yourself, the bar tab wasn't really that bad. Especially since the same tab at home would've been at least four times that.